My Story
Have you ever lived with someone that has an addiction??? Well I have and did before I left Sydney and that’s how this journey began. For 3 years I lived with someone that had a serious gambling problem which I only found out after living with him for a year. I ask myself why it took me so long to realise that he had this problem. I can’t answer this question and may never be able to. Maybe I didn’t want to see it or I just trusted him as you should. I would never think that he could possibly be capable of all the lies and deceit that I now realise I encountered. Why did I stay with him for so long after I found out about his problem, simple I loved him and he said he would get help and stop.
The man that I met is a good man, one that has integrity a beautiful heart and soul and has a loving, caring, supportive nature and would never say anything bad about anyone. He would give you his last dollar if he knew it would help. He did not judge he just accepted. He was not rich or even handsome he just had the important qualities. The man I found out about a year or so later unfortunately is driven by a sickness which directly affects everyone around him. I suspected something was going on a few months after we moved in together but could not put my finger on it. I thought he may have had a drinking problem. You know strange behaviour, sneaking out of the unit late at night, smelling of alcohol, money that should have been in his account that was not. He never had access to mine which at this stage was not deliberate we just had separate accounts as we had not long been together.
I couldn’t understand how he could have such integrity on one hand but at the same time could be so dishonest and sneaky and unfortunately have a major inner conflict that is bound to destroy your life sooner or later……… He has lived with this all of his life grown up with gambling parents and was introduced to it at a very young age. What hope did he have??? He has affected many people over the years.
For example he would never steal to gamble. I know of an instance where he found someones wallet in a pub and it had almost $1000 in it and he returned it to its owner without hesitation. He was my biggest support and proud of what I was achieving with my Photographic business and believed in me and that’s the person that I loved.
Not having an addictive nature I find it very hard to understand why people can’t just stop doing destructive things and hurting other people that they love. I tried to understand this illness and not take it personally but it’s really hard when it directly affects your life. I dealt with his depression to his suicidal tendancies and I tell you it was a rollercoaster ride from hell. So many nights he just didn’t come home at all and would not answer his phone. The stress was unbelievable. All I ever did was worry about money and where he was and if he was telling me the truth. We could never make plans for anything, I got tired of it. It was waring me down, killing me inside. We were going around and around in circles and never getting anywhere. It got to the stage I didn’t believe anything he said and I was absolutely miserable and angry. I had so much anger built up over the time that I stayed with him that I didn’t know how to vent it all and it started to leak in to the very essence of who I was. That’s when I knew it was time to move on. He had started getting help but it was always a half hearted effort on his part and I couldn’t see a full commitment to rehabilitate. He was still gambling but because it was only small amounts of money and only every now and then he thought that it was ok. DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL
By this stage I had isolated myself off from everyone and didn’t really know where to go for help. They have help for gamblers or any other type of addictions but what about the partners??? There just doesn’t seem to be any help for the partners or the families any type of support structure. Trying to build a business let alone have a normal relationship under this type of pressure is unbelievably hard. I managed it for just over a year and the rest as they say is history.
We will always be friends and I still care about him very much even after everything that has happened over the last couple of years. I hope in my heart that he can stop and find peace and love. I also know that until he stops he never will and all he will ever find is misery.
Now I’m on the road to nowhere. I sold up, packed up, never to return. Where am I going to end up? I don’t have a clue, but for the first time in a long time I’m excited about my future and what it holds for me. The driving force in my life is Photography its my passion its the reason I'm here, its the reason I have stayed sane thoughout all the turmoil I have endured.
I hear you ask :Do I have any regrets? …..I have none. I’m glad I met him as he has helped and supported me in many ways and I’m glad I left him. The unfortunate part about this story is that he has many.
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART
Have you ever lived with someone that has an addiction??? Well I have and did before I left Sydney and that’s how this journey began. For 3 years I lived with someone that had a serious gambling problem which I only found out after living with him for a year. I ask myself why it took me so long to realise that he had this problem. I can’t answer this question and may never be able to. Maybe I didn’t want to see it or I just trusted him as you should. I would never think that he could possibly be capable of all the lies and deceit that I now realise I encountered. Why did I stay with him for so long after I found out about his problem, simple I loved him and he said he would get help and stop.
The man that I met is a good man, one that has integrity a beautiful heart and soul and has a loving, caring, supportive nature and would never say anything bad about anyone. He would give you his last dollar if he knew it would help. He did not judge he just accepted. He was not rich or even handsome he just had the important qualities. The man I found out about a year or so later unfortunately is driven by a sickness which directly affects everyone around him. I suspected something was going on a few months after we moved in together but could not put my finger on it. I thought he may have had a drinking problem. You know strange behaviour, sneaking out of the unit late at night, smelling of alcohol, money that should have been in his account that was not. He never had access to mine which at this stage was not deliberate we just had separate accounts as we had not long been together.
I couldn’t understand how he could have such integrity on one hand but at the same time could be so dishonest and sneaky and unfortunately have a major inner conflict that is bound to destroy your life sooner or later……… He has lived with this all of his life grown up with gambling parents and was introduced to it at a very young age. What hope did he have??? He has affected many people over the years.
For example he would never steal to gamble. I know of an instance where he found someones wallet in a pub and it had almost $1000 in it and he returned it to its owner without hesitation. He was my biggest support and proud of what I was achieving with my Photographic business and believed in me and that’s the person that I loved.
Not having an addictive nature I find it very hard to understand why people can’t just stop doing destructive things and hurting other people that they love. I tried to understand this illness and not take it personally but it’s really hard when it directly affects your life. I dealt with his depression to his suicidal tendancies and I tell you it was a rollercoaster ride from hell. So many nights he just didn’t come home at all and would not answer his phone. The stress was unbelievable. All I ever did was worry about money and where he was and if he was telling me the truth. We could never make plans for anything, I got tired of it. It was waring me down, killing me inside. We were going around and around in circles and never getting anywhere. It got to the stage I didn’t believe anything he said and I was absolutely miserable and angry. I had so much anger built up over the time that I stayed with him that I didn’t know how to vent it all and it started to leak in to the very essence of who I was. That’s when I knew it was time to move on. He had started getting help but it was always a half hearted effort on his part and I couldn’t see a full commitment to rehabilitate. He was still gambling but because it was only small amounts of money and only every now and then he thought that it was ok. DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL
By this stage I had isolated myself off from everyone and didn’t really know where to go for help. They have help for gamblers or any other type of addictions but what about the partners??? There just doesn’t seem to be any help for the partners or the families any type of support structure. Trying to build a business let alone have a normal relationship under this type of pressure is unbelievably hard. I managed it for just over a year and the rest as they say is history.
We will always be friends and I still care about him very much even after everything that has happened over the last couple of years. I hope in my heart that he can stop and find peace and love. I also know that until he stops he never will and all he will ever find is misery.
Now I’m on the road to nowhere. I sold up, packed up, never to return. Where am I going to end up? I don’t have a clue, but for the first time in a long time I’m excited about my future and what it holds for me. The driving force in my life is Photography its my passion its the reason I'm here, its the reason I have stayed sane thoughout all the turmoil I have endured.
I hear you ask :Do I have any regrets? …..I have none. I’m glad I met him as he has helped and supported me in many ways and I’m glad I left him. The unfortunate part about this story is that he has many.
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART
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